Posts Tagged ‘funny’

Dear Readers,

I would like to formally add the Dalmore Paterson Collection to my Christmas list.  The Paterson Collection is the masterpiece of a lifetime, comprised of twelve unique whiskies from the visionary Richard Paterson, Master Distiller of The Dalmore. The collection is housed within a magnificent bespoke cabinet, along with twelve handcrafted crystal decanters, each adorned with a sterling silver collar and stag. These works of art are accompanied by Paterson’s own handwritten ledger, offering a rare insight into his craft.

For my American readers struggling on the math, the modest £987,500.00 price tag translates nicely to approximately $1,600,000.

I promise a post on each of the 12 whiskies!

Best Regards,

Arthur

This is my shameless attempt to get in a post for the first time in a few weeks. Hilarious. Must Watch.

Hardee’s Jim Beam Bourbon Thickburger

Good bourbon paired with Hardee’s.   Too funny.  Though I would be lying if I said this video didn’t make me want a burger…

December has been a bad month for posts.  Between work, boozy holiday festivities, and recovery from said festivities my free time at the keyboard has, yet again, been very limited.  But lets make up for it with a little potty humor (and continued limited typing by me)!

We all know that America has been falling behind.  Economics, manufacturing, science and math education…  all categories in which other countries of the world have started to lap us.  But the title of biggest meat-eater is one to which I expected America to hold strong.  So I was shocked when I learned in the Economist that Luxembourg holds the number one meat spot.  I mean, sure the U.S. wins in absolute tons of meat consumed, but that small European country manages to beat us in consumption per person.  (I do take solace in the fact the if “world’s biggest meat-eaters” were measured in girth or weight of the consumer, the U.S. would again take the top spot.)

We all need to do our part to restore America’s greatness.  While I’m certain that this is to become a central issue of the 2012 presidential campaign, I’m asking my fellow Americans to not wait for a government solution to the problem.  When you’re staring down the choice between salad and sandwich choose sandwich, choose for freedom, and, for our children and our children’s children, chose meat.

Dear New York City,

We need to talk.  No, I’m not breaking-up with you.  But you have some problems you need to work on. Well, one BIG problem.

You have a huge pizza ego that’s writing checks your pizza ovens just can’t cash.  Sure, you can do thin crust like no other.  If I want to fold a slice in half on a paper plate while I’m on my way from one way to place to another, I know I can rely on you.  If I want a neapolitan style pizza, with a crust cooked to crispy perfection in a wood burning oven, either classic or with innovative topping, I know you’re there for me.  If I want to climb towards the sky with the crispy sponge of a Sicilian style pie I need not worry.

But if I want a Chicago style deep dish pizza… well…. where are you?  And don’t give me that Pizzeria Uno line.  You know I deserve better than that.  And I swear, if you try and pull a fast one on me again, like you did last week, by promising a Chicago style deep dish and giving me a Sicilian, you’re spending the next week sleeping on the couch.

I know you think you know it all, but here is the deal on a deep dish pizza.  Lets start at the top.  It’s chunky sauce or diced tomatoes .  Under the sauce is the cheese.  A deep dish pizza is a beast.  It needs to be in the oven for a good long time and we want that cheese to stay nice  and soft.  (In fairness there is a reasonable controversy about whether toppings go above or below that sauce, but you’re about 20 steps behind that.)  Under the cheese is 1.5 or 2 inches of doughy bread with a nice crisp bottom sprinkled with cornmeal.  Towering above it all is a pinched rim of crisp crust.

You tell me if I can make it here, I can make it everywhere.  Well deep dish is made everywhere but here.  Slow down, take your time, and make things right.

Now you know how I feel.

All The Best,

Arthur Latz-Hall

If you’re not on Twitter, here is your reason to finally take the plunge: @PaulaOnTrial.  (No mom, this is about Paula Deen not you!)

Recent gem tweets include:

• Recipe of the Day: Paula’s Buttercream Pie. Fill homemade pie crust w/ one tub Country Crock Churn Style spread. Top w/ Cool Whip & serve.
• I’m not racist, I love pandas and they’re black, white and asian. They also make a great appetizer.
• Good Morning Vietnam…I mean Savannah. Damn it, I am still drunk. Were are my percocets?
• If it pleases the court, the only ‘N-Word’ I have ever used is ‘Nachos’.

Wuzzup y’all! Arthur saying there’s a party all up in here and you need to get with the flow… Oh yeah!!! Ardbeg Supernova’s got the heavy weight power when you got tha eods to rip it up to some fat bootie beast… or just chill with the honies… so get on the rocket and see the stars… Ardbeg Supernova… DAMN!!!

It’s crezappy!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bps-xbo8wnA&feature=related